I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
