what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
