3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
