Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
