you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
