I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
