Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
