i may or may not be watching the land before time
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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