i don't like sucking hair
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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