yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
