my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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