Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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