you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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