U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
