Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
