I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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