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im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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