We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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