I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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