In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
