Can i not drive my cunt home
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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