So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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