She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
