Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
