whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
