just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
