I cannot find my penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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