oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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