his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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