I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
