YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
