why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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