I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
