I didn't shave. On purpose
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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