I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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