You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
