when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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