remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize