Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
