those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
