Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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