My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
