All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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