you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
