Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
