I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
