he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
