Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
