I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
