called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
