Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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