So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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