Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
