Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
