I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You are a genius and a whore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
