i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
