How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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