i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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