Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
