Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
