What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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