Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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