I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
