I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
