I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
