i barfeds in our rink
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
