Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
