Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
