I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
