Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
